My Dear Friend… I see you. I hear you. I read your words.
And because I have been there, I understand you wake up to an all consuming battle and it takes more strength and self determination than anyone knows to simply get up and do the everyday. There are times you don’t have the energy to actually take any of the suggestions you know would help you. And sometimes, your mind convinces you that you are not worth it.
THAT IS A LIE. That voice is trying to kill you. That voice is full of manipulative bullshit that wants to overcome you. But I get it – those who haven’t been there will say “don’t listen to it,” but IT IS YOUR MIND. How do you not hear your own mind?
I recall putting a name to the critical voice that replayed over and over again. It was easier to feel it, name it and separate that from my purpose. No, it didn’t cure me … but it helped to recognize it as untruth. Once, prior to re-vamping my bedroom, my mom and I painted words of strength (and anger) at this voice. I clearly remember writing “fuck you, ed” on my wall.
You are not the convincing lies of that voice.
You are a kind-hearted person. You post pictures of helping animals and getting to know others who are not like you – to spread acceptance and love. You share beautiful art, dance, music. You inspire with stories about seeing beyond the surface. And you do more than that…
You tell your story.
Do you know how much courage that takes? You let the world in and say, “if you can’t accept me in my worst position, you are not worthy of my friendship.” You invested in yourself.
There are people out there struggling silently. You said, “I will be your voice. I will let you know you are not alone. I will love you regardless if you are made up and smiling or not and if you are smiling, I will not assume your eyes are also. I will search for your hidden truth and I will let you know I am safe to talk to if you are not as you appear.”
My friend, I want you to know I see you. I see your heart. I see your fight. I see you trying. I see you expose your hard days and reach out. I see the courage it takes to expose the vulnerability. That is extremely brave – it is so much easier to hide it and let it gobble you up. I see you stepping beyond that.
And my friend, I want you to know I hear you. I hear your cries and your pain. I hear your voice and it is beautiful and real. I hear your care and it touches all types. I hear your frustration. I hear you picking yourself back up off the ground. I hear your work.
Above all of this… there is one thing I really, really want you to know.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.
You are worth this fight. You are worth the battle. You are worth overcoming the critical voice in your head. You are worth the tears. You are worth the frustration. You are worth the mess.
Life sucks sometimes. Life can be overwhelming and feel like quicksand, engulfing, suffocating and pulling you under. And life can be beautiful. Life can be mesmerizing and inspiring and supply a depth beyond the encasing of the body and world.
In the drowning parts, try to remember it can be impossible to see through a storm but that doesn’t mean it won’t end. Just as we wouldn’t judge a person who happens to live in an area an earthquake hit, your storm doesn’t make you less than or unworthy. It means that for this moment, it sucks beyond a level that can give any justice in words.
It also means there is a side after the storm. As we see time and time again, there are people who will hold out their hands and through the clean up, a stronger, more unified and connected bond develops. This is true for you also. Yet, I know, the after-matter doesn’t help to make the pain less of living in that moment…
Get it out of you, put it on paper, meditate, create, run, do anything to let it out. Acknowledge it. Tell the fucker in your head “not today. I got your number. I hear you trying to kill me and not today – jackass, not today.”
And every time you brush yourself off, every time you reach out, every time you recognize it – allow yourself that victory.
Your mind will tell you you failed because you slipped.. please, let me repeat – THAT IS A LIE. That is the voice..that is the one that hates you. You wouldn’t tell your child who fell learning to ride his bike that he failed. You are that child. Every time you get on the bike, despite if you fall or not, you are learning and succeeding and growing in mind and body. Allow yourself that humanity.
And know we are here. We are here even when we don’t know how to help. I had to decide a million times over again I was worth the fight; no one else could convince me that I was – I had to decide it. When I read your words, even when they are just saying “depression sucks,” I see you making a choice to call this out as what it is. This is Depression. This is not You.
You are beautiful.
You are worth it.
You are strong.
You are loved.
You are needed.
You are important.
You are helping others by shining light on the dark.
You are inspiring.
You are generous.
You are caring.
You are supportive.
You are open.
You are a safety net for others.
You are kind.
You are true.
I am thankful for your words.
I am here if you need to just talk.
And because she is one who seems to get this message…